Rebirthing

Today I had a hard and a strange kind of trip. First I went to my garden and because I forgot my key, I jumped (really easily) over the fence. When I entered I got stuck thinking that I could not get out without getting caught and for a moment I started wondering whether I wanted to be there without my key anyway. 

I can be hypercritical, when it comes to spending my free time, at times everything has to be perfect. Perfect is at the moment anyway one of my most important words, unfortunately, maybe.

So I left quickly to take the broken tire of my bike down from the bike so as to be able to repair it. I managed that quickly and walked direction home. Suddenly I noticed that I must have lost the inner tire. It is an expensive, thick, mountain bike tire.

I got disappointed but bravely took my way back but without finding the tire even after walking back for twenty minutes or so. I got frustrated. My legs hurt, the wheel was heavy and the sun was burning on my head. I wanted to get home.

Once I finally got home, I felt so disturbed and angry and disappointed and confused that I sat down in the corner of my bed to read a book. But something was strange and very soon I started to breath heavily after recognizing (some of) my feelings beneath my fear. There was a lot of stuff there.

And then I got rebirthed. Very soon I could take a nice shower and what I felt after that was that I could have a great life, if I would allow myself. First I thought I have to manage that at once all – that means for me to become invisible and untouchable but in constant connection with love… I don’t know exactly why it is like that. 

But indeed. First I realized, that I have some tools that serve me. Then I realized that I have a special style of clothing and to get through my way. And then I got aware what was MY religion. I instantly noticed that I was too high and confused to be able to cope immediately. But I still managed to walk. I went to one of my places to be.

There I realized again that my path was compassion and that I liked to listen to people fully, not just to some of their appearances, but that I rather liked to fully embrace them with my attention. If course, when others are there they require attention as well and that interacts. So I notice that I like to find the most important part for me and keep with that.

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